


fragile n.4

by travelingsymphony



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Family Issues, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Road Trips, Sharing a Bed, Slice of Life, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Tags May Change, donghyuck sucking at being an overly independent adult: a memoir, mark is STUPID but we still love him, music as a metaphor for love, other nct members are mentioned here and there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:33:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27943829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/travelingsymphony/pseuds/travelingsymphony
Summary: “Can I, you know, hear you play again?” Mark asks with hopeful eyes and Donghyuck can’t help but roll his (he feels like he has been rolling them all night).“Maybe, but only if you are lucky.” Donghyuck winks and giggles when Mark blushes over it.Donghyuck looks at Mark’s front jean pocket and sees his phone peek out, he grabs it quickly and finds that the other man doesn’t even have a password on his phone. He enters his contact information smoothly, locks the phone, and grabs Mark’s hand to place the device in it.“And for the record, I hope you are.”(Or, when Donghyuck wishes for a change of pace, he never expects a clumsy stranger to appear and bring life back into his world one spontaneous moment at a time).
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29





	1. got plans to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey boys, what is cracking? we have made it to the end of the year thank god!!!!!! i'm back with another fic that i decided to rewrite because i don't have the will/brain power to write anything relatively new. big sad.
> 
> backstory: i originally wrote this fic back in 2015 (under a different title and fandom, oop) and took it down because it was pure ass, a whole dumpster fire. like i do not know how to describe how _awful_ this fic was. that being said, i decided to challenge myself and rewrite it because it was in such a different writing style than what i’m doing right now. and luckily, i am a better writer now compared to half a decade ago. hopefully it isn’t as shitty as it was back then 'cause that would just be embarrassing. 
> 
> moving on, i just finished writing part two of this story so an update should be up in the next week so be on the look out for that!
> 
> as always, i will leave you a note from my beta. when i was struggling to come up with a title for this fic, she said i should just name it 'piano man'. sorry that it didn't make the cut, better luck next time /:
> 
> with all that useless shit aside, i hope you guys enjoy the fic. mwah!

  


  


Donghyuck walks into his apartment with heavy feet and falls on top of his mysteriously stained couch with a sigh of relief. 

There is something about routine that he used to find comforting. Getting up as late as he could manage, going to work relevantly at the same time, coming home, eating dinner (sort of) and just chilling until it was time for bed. Sure, it isn’t the life of the party for someone in their early 20s but for someone who has had almost too much instability, it was nice for awhile.

But now? It’s getting a little old. 

Bussing tables at a small restaurant isn’t where Donghyuck imagined himself to be, but hey, the pay isn’t awful (enough for him to live on his own so) and the owner doesn’t hate him enough to fire him. Even if he breaks at least one too many glasses a week. 

It would be nice to be able to make more money just to afford better groceries, maybe some more fruits and vegetables here and there, or maybe just a night to himself with an overpriced bath bomb. But he really can’t complain when this was the only place hiring when he moved out to this small town from the city. 

However, that doesn’t mean he isn’t worn out though because he is. Complaints rest on his tongue and his phone sits heavy in the pocket of his slacks. Only one call and he could be back home within the day. 

Which is also the last place he wants to be so his phone stays put. If he has lasted this long (almost half the year now) on his own, he can keep on… keeping on. Probably. 

Donghyuck puts his hands to his head and rubs down his face, trying to wipe away the exhaustion that rests in his cheekbones after smiling all day long. The exhaustion stays and he expects nothing less. 

_Maybe a day off wouldn’t be so bad, then again rent is up next week,_ Donghyuck goes back and forth in his head. A day off could come later, he will have to write that down somewhere. 

The last thing he wants to do right now is leave. The night is cold as winter runs its course through town. There is snow that barely sticks on the ground and Donghyuck slipped a number of times as he tried to get back home, refusing to take a bus so he could get some type fresh air. 

But his fingers itch for a release, he wants to go and put his big winter coat back on to slip on the ice some more because he is out of his mind. 

And because he is an idiot and didn’t bring the one thing he really needed to when he… left home. 

His piano, it was a beautiful thing and he wonders if it is still there. No one at home knows how to play it so he wouldn’t be shocked if his parents tossed it. Maybe it would be for the better if it was. 

Last thing his family wants to do is remember him anyways. 

_Okay that was dramatic, but not the point. It isn’t that late to go,_ Donghyuck gets up from the couch and ignores the ache of standing all day on his feet. It'll go away eventually, hopefully. He is too young for this bullshit. 

He grabs his coat and wraps himself in it after pocketing his keys. Once he locks the door, he walks with slow feet as he moves down the stairs. He exits the apartment building and makes his way. 

The sidewalk is covered with more ice than it was an hour prior so Donghyuck carefully takes his steps as he walks down the street. The air is freezing against the skin on his face and he can feel his fingertips get picked at the breeze of winter time. 

He shoves his hands into his pockets and continues to side-step his way down the streets that are blackened by the night. Donghyuck’s breath is visible in the cold and his nose is completely frozen even though he has only been outside for a couple minutes. 

God he needs to get better winter clothes, or a face mask like a robber if he ever wants to make it through his first winter alone. Even summer with no A/C was easier than this. 

Luckily, Donghyuck finds himself in front of exactly where he needs to be: an abandoned church. 

So here’s the thing: he has always liked looking for trouble. When he was younger, it was impossible to keep him seated, always restless to find something new, something that wasn’t his. 

He was a little shit of a kid and he has grown out of it, mostly. 

Not this though. When Donghyuck first arrived in this small town, he passed this church in his cab. 

He asked the driver what was up with it, the whole thing looks like it is close to collapsing. Debris still covers the ground surrounding it and the driver told him that it went up in flames a couple years prior. 

And of course that sparks just the right amount of interest in him. Once Donghyuck was settled in his apartment, he went back to the church. The stained glass windows that were smoke damaged, but showed beautiful angels in all colors, pulled him in and it was as if a ghost whispered into his ear, telling him to: _come on in, come on in and see what I have to offer._

Donghyuck broke the lock (it was a piece of shit so it wasn’t that hard to do) and pushed himself into the battered building. It was covered in soot and covered Donghyuck’s body head to toe in black ash. 

But the way the moonlight hit all of the surrounding windows once he was inside made him feel like reality was a forgotten place, and useless one at that. 

He felt a weight fall off of his shoulders, a weight that had been on him for most of his life probably. It didn’t take long for Donghyuck’s heart to be caught in this past holy place. He continued his journey in the building, finding a small hallway with only a couple doors. 

Donghyuck entered one and realized that the room was undamaged due to probably having the door closed during the fire. It was a simple office, but it made him wonder what the other rooms held. 

It wasn’t until the last room where he found anything of value. When he opened the door, he expected another office or classroom but instead found a piano. 

An old one at that, it wasn’t anything amazing, but it was better than nothing. Donghyuck sat on the bench under it and found that it was in okay shape. There was smoke damage and it was out of tune, but he could ignore that. 

When sat there, he really felt like this could be a town he could belong in. 

Ever since that day, Donghyuck finds himself at the church more often than not. He has grown so much from the kid he was, the one who would hate sitting during his piano lessons because of how boring they were. Now, it’s become an identity. One he thought he lost. 

Sometimes he will bring some music he found online to play, sometimes it is just scales or whatever comes to mind. Donghyuck doesn’t really care as long as it is there. And you know, not getting arrested for trespassing. Not exactly what he is looking for right now, or really ever. 

Donghyuck moves through the rubble like usual. It may seem a little crazy, but he feels like he can breathe better in the musk-filled air. 

He flips the lights on (who’s still paying a bill, only God knows but can they start paying his please) and throws off his coat in a hurry. Donghyuck slides on to the bench and tries to avoid getting splinters which he successfully does. 

It’s a 50/50 chance that he will get one bitch in his hand most days, go figure. 

He turns over the cover that protects the keys, it creaks as he pushes it up but shows the beautiful ivory and black underneath. Donghyuck rests his shaky fingers on them and takes a deep breath in. 

This is a place he can let down his guard and be vulnerable, his little sanctuary that no one steps foot in. It’s nice to feel like he has a home, even if it isn’t somewhere that holds a bed. 

No thoughts here, just a man (let’s be real, a boy) and a piano. A match made in heaven if you asked him. Donghyuck doesn’t want anything more than this, doesn’t _need_ anything else. At least not for now. 

Donghyuck’s late private instructor’s voice echoes in his head as he starts to play some warm ups: _most people think that when people play fast music it must be hard, which it is somewhat right but in reality is just the opposite._

_The slowest songs are the hardest to play because you have to count to make sure you keep on track. The second you get off, everything will fall apart._

So he counts, just like a routine. The second you get off track, it is almost impossible to get back on. Donghyuck plays a tune that rolls off his fingers like butter. It is simple and sweet, but oh so very slow. 

_Also when you play slow music you have to get into, you have to put your whole body and soul into that piece like it is your last dying breath, you have to play like you are going to die. Do you understand me Donghyuck?_

He definitely didn’t then, what fucking 13 year old would? But now, now he thinks he gets the point. There is something relieving about playing with your heart on your sleeve; freeing. 

Donghyuck moves lightly, side to side, to the tune of the music and it is almost like you can taste the words he has yet to speak in the air. 

And it catches the attention of someone. Unheard to him, someone stops in front of the church that eyes the building with a curious look. That someone enters with silent steps and walks as quietly as feathers dropping to the floor. 

They stand in the doorway, hands in their pockets as they peer into the room. And for someone who usually reads a story on paper, there is no need for words this time around. 

The music is enough. 

Donghyuck finishes, content with how he played after not practicing. It was an okay run through and maybe after a couple more he would be— 

Suddenly he hears a loud crash from behind him. Donghyuck jumps up from the bench and spins around on his heels. With wide eyes, he watches as… another man falls into the practice room and promptly lands on his face. 

_Oh fuck, oh shit, please don’t be a police officer, please for the love of all things good don’t be a police officer,_ Donghyuck thinks with panic racing through his blood. It’s been awhile since someone has scared him, let alone somewhere he isn’t supposed to be. 

Donghyuck looks at the door and thinks about making a run for it. But before he can even think about grabbing his coat and booking the fuck out of there, he looks over the man on the floor. He groans as he sits up, but wait, he isn’t wearing a uniform of any kind. 

So who the fuck is he? 

He waits until the man, who looks surprisingly young to even be considered one, is sitting up enough to make eye contact with him. His eyes are wide as well and surprisingly warm. Donghyuck doesn’t want to say that a sense of calm washes over him, but— 

“Good, _oh God that hurt,_ good playing.” The man squeaks out, shocking Donghyuck. He totally forgot this man would have a voice and it makes him feel incredibly stupid for a moment.

“Uh, thanks?” Donghyuck responds tentatively. 

The man finally drops his hand from his face when he realizes that no, he isn’t bleeding out of his nose. Donghyuck takes in the appearance of the stranger and notes (annoying he must say) that he is a lot more attractive than he first believed. 

_What a night this is turning out to be._

“So… who are you?” The stranger asks and Donghyuck makes a face like he has just eaten something sour. This fucking weirdo walks into his church (okay not his, and) then asks him who he is? Is this man out of his Goddamn mind? 

Donghyuck ignores the man’s voice even though it was way more comforting than he wanted to believe it to be. Soft and easy like he has no cares in the world and Donghyuck wonders how someone his age can even manage to sound this at ease. 

“Who are _you?_ ” Donghyuck throws back while crossing his arms. God he wishes there was something in this room that could be used as a weapon, but alas all Donghyuck has is a heavy fucking bench and two fists. 

Maybe he should’ve taken boxing lessons when his parents first offered all those years ago, they might have been on to something for once. 

“I’m Mark, Mark Lee. I would say it is nice to meet you, but,” The man— Mark motions around him, still ass on ground. “I sort of messed that up.” And of all things, he _laughs._

“Why are you here?” Donghyuck asks even though he should be the one hightailing it out of here. This Mark dude could be a serial killer for all he knows. 

“Oh well, I was walking home after working a late night and I heard you playing—” Mark stutters along, rubbing one of his hands on the back of the nape of his neck. Donghyuck stops him speaking right there. 

“Wait, you heard me playing?” _Shit, I’m louder than I thought, noted._

“How couldn’t I, it was one of the most glorious things I have heard in my life.” Mark says with honesty dripping from his words and a bright smile on his lips. 

Donghyuck is silent now, tapping a foot as he anxiously tries to figure out what to do next. He really shouldn’t come here again if Mark was able to hear him right outside. And he really shouldn’t be trying to make conversation with someone he just met, especially like this. 

But with the way Mark is sitting on the ground, it sort of looks like the wind could put up a better fight against Donghyuck than he could. 

He grabs his coat off the ground though. Donghyuck slips it on as he keeps his eyes locked with Mark then walks backwards to get to the door. 

“Well I am glad you enjoyed the show because who knows if you’ll ever hear it again. Like you said, it was sort of nice to meet you I guess, but I got to go. Goodnight.” Donghyuck smiles grimly and gives Mark a little wave before turning his back and leaving the room. 

Clearly that lit a fire underneath the other’s ass because now Donghyuck can hear Mark get up and stumble a little bit before following him. 

“Wait,” Mark calls out before putting a hand on Donghyuck’s shoulder. He is one second away from ripping away from Mark’s weak grasp when the man takes his hand off him quickly. 

“I— uh, do you wanna… I don’t know, get coffee or something. It is totally cool if you don’t because this is weird, but yeah.” Mark mumbles, ringing his hands together and looking away from Donghyuck. 

He blinks at Mark and takes in how small the other has made himself. It shocks him as much as it makes Donghyuck want to laugh. 

Donghyuck wonders what wrong could really come out of saying yes other than possible death. He doesn’t want to admit that this is exciting while being a little pissed that this is almost the exact break in routine that he was asking for. 

What were the odds someone would even walk past tonight, let alone come in because they heard him playing, _and liked it._ Now with this unforeseeable future right in front of him, right in the palm of his hands, Donghyuck opens his mouth and says:

“No, but thanks for the offer.” 

First, this Mark dude could still be a murderer or whatever. So what if he was “just walking home from work”, he doesn’t know what the fuck kind of work would keep Mark out this late other than being a murderer. Possibly a stripper, but he doubts that. 

Donghyuck does give Mark a sincere look before turning back around and making his way out of the church. The air is even colder than before and he wonders how long he was even in there. 

But again, here is Mark tripping over himself to follow him. 

“Hey, at least I can walk you home or something!” Mark yells in the middle of the street as Donghyuck keeps walking. 

“You know what, maybe I’ll just… uh, lay in the road! Yeah, I’ll lay in the road until you say yes.” That makes Donghyuck stop, his shoulders drop as he starts to get annoyed with Mark. 

_Oh my God I just want to pass out in bed, is that too much to ask?_

“You could be a fucking criminal for all I know! You aren’t going to lay in the middle of the stupid road—” Donghyuck starts but stops when he looks back to see that Mark is in fact laying in the middle of the road looking like he has no care in the world. 

And for a dude who can’t make it through a sentence without stuttering, Donghyuck is impressed he has the balls to do this.

“Oh come on! Get up and go home.” He mumbles, but Mark just laughs all bright and shit causing Donghyuck’s lips to go into a tight straight line. 

_He’s just asking you to go get coffee, not for your hand in fucking marriage. Just go, you’ll be in public anyway so kidnapping is off the table with this one,_ Donghyuck thinks to himself and God he is angry and frustrated and sort of giddy. 

He kicks a patch of snow and throws his hands up in the air, so much for going home. 

“Fine! We can go grab a coffee together or whatever, but I swear to god if you touch me, I won’t hesitate to scream, got it?” 

Donghyuck watches Mark’s head jerk up off the icy street. The man smiles with his teeth and even from here, Donghyuck can see snowflakes pilling on top of his dark hair. Which is way too endearing, but it’s past midnight so any thoughts Donghyuck has now cannot be held against him. 

“Really? Wait, don’t answer that. Okay, let’s go, it’s this way!” Mark gets up and wipes off all the ice from his clothes. He looks a little damp and really cold, but Donghyuck just watches from a distance. 

“I said you could string me along for coffee, not talk to me.” Donghyuck mutters and Mark just laughs again (does he ever stop). They walk side by side and Donghyuck notes at the space the man gives him, which is nice. 

“That would definitely defeat the purpose of getting coffee though.” Mark smirks for the first time and it throws Donghyuck off, he sputters at the look and laughs for the first time that night. 

“I just met you, do not give me that look, clumsy.” Donghyuck points out with a big smile forming on his lips.

He ignores the fact that this is the first time he has gotten close to someone in this town. He has managed to be content with the few messages he has been able to send to his friends back home; gotten used to the radio silence that usually follows them too. 

It is nice to be able to joke like this with someone else, someone who is here right in front of him. 

“I have no clue what you are talking about.” Mark sings and walks with a pep in his step, looking like he is feeling more comfortable around Donghyuck by the moment. And honestly, he is kind of liking it. 

It doesn’t take them long to get to the café. Mark explains along the way that he comes here most nights after work because they stay open 24/7 and have his favorite chocolate croissants here. 

They order one after the other, buying their own drinks after Donghyuck kicks Mark in the shins when he offers to pay for both. By the time they get to a table in a far back corner, they hit the ground running. 

Starting with Donghyuck’s choice in coffee of all things. 

“Good thing you don’t have to drink my mocha with extra chocolate Mr. Americano Only.” 

Donghyuck prepares himself for an argument and prepares to lie about not liking Americanos which isn’t true. He just likes them better cold and it is currently freezing outside so that is not an option. But his words get caught in his throat when Mark looks up at him with a warm look as he picks up his mug. 

“Black coffee, best coffee.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes, whatever. 

So he knows Mark works, but he is curious to know what he possibly does to be out this late. 

“Whatcha do for work?” He asks after taking a sip from his coffee, and yes it is fucking good thank you very much. 

Mark seems a little shocked when Donghyuck asks, he shifts a little from his laid back position and puts his elbows on the table in front of him. He shrugs his shoulders like he is embarrassed and Donghyuck is now really thinking that he may be a stripper. 

“Usually I have more stuff with me, but I left most of it at home. I am uh, a writer.” Mark speaks quietly and Donghyuck can see a blush forming on the top of his ears. 

“I wish I had my notebook with me so you could see it. It has all these sticky notes coming out of it with ideas and drabbles here and there, it’s nothing much but you know,” Mark shrugs again. “It’s mine at least.” 

Donghyuck swallows and takes another sip of his coffee. A writer, huh. 

“What do you normally write?”

“Uh mostly nerdy stuff like sci-fi short stories. I like the genre ‘cause you can make anything you want and it just goes. Gets me thinking bigger than life. Right now I am working more of a down scale project about real-life problems and stuff. It’s an editorial which is cool! I’m just having a hard time.” Mark explains and Donghyuck nods along. 

It’s hard to imagine Mark being a writer, but Donghyuck doesn’t doubt his skills. What people are thinking compared to what they are saying are completely different from what Donghyuck has learned. 

Mark could be a surprise just by that. 

“You probably write some good shit, maybe you can pass along some of your Star Trek fanfiction to me one day.” Donghyuck says and watches Mark flush red, oh maybe he just found something good. 

“So what do you do, in school? Working?” Mark asks and Donghyuck flushes in a different way. 

Not like he is embarrassed about the situation he is in right now, but after hearing what Mark is doing, he doesn’t really want to say: _oh you know, working 9 to 5 but more like noon to midnight, shooting the shit as the days pass by._

Donghyuck looks at the clock hanging close by and notices the time, it is past 3AM already and he finds himself relying on that so he doesn’t have to talk about himself. 

He almost wants to be ashamed for his lack of wanting to share, but there really isn’t much to say. Especially to a stranger. 

“It’s getting late, I’ve had fun but I should get going.” Donghyuck says sheepishly as he puts down his finished cup and moves around to grab his coat off his chair. 

“Oh yeah, no problem. Uh, let me walk you home, please?” Mark says and no matter how many times Donghyuck says: _no really it’s okay, I got it,_ Mark just shakes his and insists that he wants to. 

Now in the middle of the road again, Donghyuck and Mark walk closer than before. Donghyuck wraps one arm around himself but let’s the other hang by his side. 

He wonders if he is imagining Mark’s hand grazing against his softly and he wonders if he wants it to be on purpose. 

Donghyuck takes in Mark’s appearance more as they walk, getting little glimpses here and there. Mark’s hair is dark and looks mostly natural compared to his own dyed dirty blonde hair. 

He is dressed almost recklessly, wearing a beaten up sweatshirt that’s probably from his college days and ripped jeans with a coat over him. Donghyuck looks down at his own clothes and mentally slaps himself for wearing his work uniform out.

Luckily it is just a white button down and a pair of slacks which he owns multiple of both at this point, but he is now regretting not getting changed because he is definitely going to have to wash them now. Bummer, he didn’t even spill anything on them during his last shift. 

They get to Donghyuck’s apartment complex quicker than he expected. He turns to Mark and suddenly feels shy. 

“Well this is it.” He motions towards the front door and Mark nods, looking shy as well. 

_Wait, why are we acting like we just went on a first date?_

“Can I, you know, hear you play again?” Mark asks with hopeful eyes and Donghyuck can’t help but roll his (he feels like he has been rolling them all night). 

“Maybe, but only if you are lucky.” Donghyuck winks and giggles when Mark blushes over it. 

Donghyuck looks at Mark’s front jean pocket and sees his phone peek out, he grabs it quickly and finds that the other man doesn’t even have a password on his phone. He enters his contact information smoothly, locks the phone, and grabs Mark’s hand to place the device in it.

“And for the record, I hope you are.” _Mostly for my own sanity if nothing else._

He smiles at Mark who looks like he is a fish out of water, moving his mouth up and down with no words coming out. Donghyuck opens the door to the building and gives the man one last look. 

“Wait! I never caught your name!” Mark calls out right as the door closes and Donghyuck just points at Mark’s phone that is still sitting idle in his hand. 

Mark looks down and scrambles to open the phone. It’s the last thing Donghyuck sees him do. 

Once he is back in his apartment, Donghyuck takes his clothes off in a rush and throws them in the hamper. He finds himself under all of his favorite blankets after getting ready for bed on auto-pilot. 

He stares up at his ceiling, watching his fan go round and round. That was fucking terrifying; that was fucking _amazing._ Donghyuck’s heart races and he isn’t sure what that means, but he knows that he is smiling bigger than he should in the dark. 

He can feel it in his cheeks, in his heart. 

And as much as Donghyuck would like to curse himself for thinking so highly of Mark, he also reminds himself how lonely he has felt over the past couple months. 

How his routine has taken almost everything human out of him, making him feel more like a machine than man. Mark may not be able to fix that, but maybe he could at least turn the lights on and clear out the cobwebs. 

If he is being honest though, Donghyuck already has the impression that Mark could do more. 

**From: Unknown Sender**  
03:54: Goodnight Duckie :D

 _A lot_ more.

  


  


**From: Mark Lee**  
12:13: Here’s a photo of my notebook I was telling you about!

 **To: Mark Lee**  
12:15: oh wow you weren’t kidding about the color coded shit lololol

 **From: Mark Lee**  
12:16: Hahahaha. It’s a little extra I’ll admit 

**To: Mark Lee**  
12:17: a little?  
12:18: oooo i think i see a tribble doodle in there~~~

 **From: Mark Lee**  
12:18: STOP

  


**From: Mark Lee**  
15:44: Dude I just got your snapchat

 **To: Mark Lee**  
15:45: ...and?

 **From: Mark Lee**  
15:47: How are we already best friends on it lmfao???

 **To: Mark Lee**  
15:50: i blame you sending me all the photos of your star wars figurine collection

 **From: Mark Lee**  
15:51: NO  
15:51: THEY ARE BATTLESTAR GALACTICA FIGURINES  
15:51: HOW CAN YOU EVEN GET THAT WRONG????

 **To: Mark Lee**  
15:52: ha nerd

  


**From: Mark Lee**  
02:44: Psst look at these ducks TT

 **To: Mark Lee**  
02:53: why are you awake?????

 **From: Mark Lee**  
02:54: Why are YOU awake hmmm?????

 **To: Mark Lee**  
02:54: …  
02:55: fair  
03:13: you did not just wake me up to fall asleep on me  
03:24: mark????  
03:30: fuck you dude  
03:31: sigh those ducks are cute though……. 

**From: Mark Lee**  
08:45: Ahaha sorry~~~ hope you slept well (((:

  


**From: Mark Lee**  
21:01: Whatcha up to? Haven’t heard you play in awhile

 **To: Mark Lee**  
21:01: lmfao, and how would you know?

 **From: Mark Lee**  
21:04: Maybe I walk past the church… maybe I don’t

 **To: Stalker Lee**  
21:06: stalker lee is your name in my phone now 

**From: Stalker Lee**  
21:07: NOOOOO TTTT

 **To: Stalker Lee**  
21:10: tbh i’m swamped with work so i’ve been tired //:

 **From: Stalker Lee**  
21:13: Bummerrrrrr but totally fair haha  
21:14: You’ll give me a heads up though if you decide to play right?

 **To: Stalker Lee**  
21:16: i think you could use your spidey senses for that one  
21:16: or your STALKER ones ahahahahaha  
21:33: markkkkkkk where did you gooooooo  
21:46: mark ))): i’m sorry ))): you aren’t a stalker ))):

 **To: Mark Lee Certified Butthead**  
22:00: okay fine, i’ll tell you when i’m around

 **From: Mark Lee Certified Butthead**  
22:01: Score (;

  


  


Time passes just as slow as it did before. But it is nice now being able to text someone constantly rather than playing text message phonetag. It has been two weeks since Donghyuck first ran into Mark (more like the other ran into him but he digresses). 

When he woke up that next morning, he sort of thought it was all a dream. But when he saw the text Mark left him, calling him Duckie, the name he put in the other's phone… yeah, that definitely happened last night. 

As the holiday season picks up, the more double shifts Donghyuck has been able to pick up. The money is good, but everything else sort of sucks. He always gets home way too tired to even shower let alone walk to the busted church to play. 

Even thinking about it makes his head spin and now he is contemplating getting a keyboard to keep at home for times like these. 

However, today seems to be a little… uh different. 

He doesn’t want to admit it was his fault, but it kind of was. Donghyuck lays face down and screams into his pile of pillows on his bed. 

It’s not like he _wanted_ to slip a whole plate of food on a customer, but his feet got stuck on a toy that a child was playing with on the floor. Donghyuck couldn’t even get angry about that either because the kid was cute as shit. 

So he sort of swore at the kid’s parents instead when they started making up all this bullshit, that he was trying to sabotage their good night. As if he knew them personally!

His boss pulled him to the side and told him to take the rest of the day off. He was an okay old man and honestly, Donghyuck is surprised he didn’t get fired just for bad service. Maybe empowerment of employees is a real thing and not some bullshit he learned before, whatever. 

Donghyuck burrows into his bed, wrapping himself in his blankets and starts to steady his breathing. Normally, he doesn’t get so overwhelmed over something that really wasn’t his fault. 

But holy fuck is he exhausted and is at that point were maybe angrily crying would do him some good. If he looks on the brightside though, he has time to go and play if he wishes. 

Which he really isn’t so sure about. 

First things first, he has to eat something. 

Rolling over, Donghyuck pushes himself off his comfy bed and makes his way to his small kitchen. He puts a pot on to boil for some stove top ramen and pretends that he is entering a restaurant for something professionally made, or just a hot pot. Yeah, a hot pot would be nice right about now. 

He taps with the fingers of his right hand a little melody, something sweet and simple that rings deep in his ears even in the silence. Donghyuck stirs in his ramen and wonders what kind of harmony he could put to it. 

It is even earlier than it was the last time he went to play, the sun was just about to set when he walked out of work defeated for the day. He doesn’t want to go to bed soon anyways, knowing that he won’t sleep if he feels just as shitty as he does right now. 

_It’s a Friday night for the love of God, just go. What else are you gonna do? Rot?_

Donghyuck eats his food sitting on top of his counter. He kicks his feet against the weak wood of the cabinets as he feeds himself. 

He knows that he sort of promised Mark that he would tell him if he went to play, but it’s a Friday. Mark seems to be the kind of guy who at least has friends in town or plans of some sort. There is no way he is really that into wanting to listen to him play, right? 

Playing with the hem of his sleeve, Donghyuck decides what Mark doesn’t know won’t hurt him. 

Donghyuck cleans his bowl and changes out of his work clothes this time. His hoodie feels soft on his skin and sweatpants were definitely the right move. Grabbing a lighter jacket than the one he usually wears, he makes his way out of his apartment and gets hit with a sense of deja vu. How couldn’t he? 

He hums the same tune as he did in the kitchen while he walks. There is little breeze in the air and Donghyuck feels like it is warmer than usual, and he takes it as a positive. 

When Donghyuck climbs his way into the church just like any other day, he startles when he sees that the practice room door is wide open. Light comes out of the room and creates a nice visual of haloed dust. 

He tip-toes his way down the hallway. Donghyuck reaches the door and peeks his head in, wishing he brought a water bottle as a weapon or something. He really needs to invest in pepper spray. 

And Donghyuck feels sort of stupid (read: really stupid) when he sees Mark in the room. Still, he lets out a sigh of relief that he won’t have to fight for his life. 

He watches his acquaintance—friend seems too big yet acquaintance seems to not fit quite right either—and notices how Mark is slumped over the piano cover. His feet graze the floor, but don’t completely touch the ground. They hang heavily. 

Is he asleep? 

Donghyuck walks into the room with tentative steps. Mark looks like he is passed out to all hell and he wonders why he is even here in the first place. Once Donghyuck gets to Mark’s back, he puts a hand on the other man’s shoulder. 

“Hey Mark, Mark? Wake up, dude.” Donghyuck shakes Mark lightly, trying not to startle him. 

But fails. Mark wakes up suddenly and flings himself up so he is sitting straight which pushes Donghyuck on his ass as he fails to balance his body. 

“Oh shit, Donghyuck you good?” Mark asks with a low voice, it’s rough with sleep and slightly slurred. Donghyuck rubs his tailbone as his ass stings from the impact. 

They really need to stop meeting like this. 

“Yeah I’m good.” He mumbles as he looks up at Mark. 

His eyes look a little glazed over and he has a sleepy smile on his face. Mark rubs a hand down his face and sways side to side as if he is on a boat, which clearly he isn’t.

 _Oh even better, he’s fucking hammered. Or was,_ Donghyuck thinks, mentality slapping himself in the head over and over again. 

“Hey, not to be an ass or anything, but maybe you should go home. You look a little… uh, worse for wear if you asked me.” Donghyuck tries to reason with a drunk (tipsy is a better word) Mark. 

All the other man does is slide to the left of the bench rather than sitting in the middle and pats the bench next to him with a strong hand, “I w-won’t make a sound, pinky promise.” 

Donghyuck prays to a higher power that this won’t bite him in the ass later and sits down next to him, leaving some space between them. There really is no point in arguing with a drunk person anyways from what he has learned in the past. 

“Mark, why are you here?” Donghyuck asks as he pushes up the cover to unveil the piano keys. He grazes his hand over the keys before settling them on a soft chord. 

He doesn’t seem to be paying attention though; Donghyuck turns his head just a little to see that Mark is looking down at his hands. It makes Donghyuck feel hot all of a sudden, weird. 

“Went out with some friends for dinner, got bored and came here.” Mark says and it pulls Donghyuck out of his own head. 

“Are you a lightweight or something, drinking at dinner couldn’t have been _that_ heavy on you.” Donghyuck laughs causing Mark to flinch at the loud noise which makes him laugh harder. 

“Don’t be mean.” Mark whines into his own hands as he covers his face. 

Donghyuck goes through a couple scales like he usually does, just to make sure he is warm before dissecting the melody he made only a handful of hours before. But he really should get Mark home as fast as possible. Compromises have to be made. 

He sighs, “One piece then I’m taking you home.”

Mark gives him a look that can only be described as… charming, it causes a shiver to run down Donghyuck’s spin. Jesus Christ. 

“One piece.” Mark repeats back before leaning to the side so he can rest his elbow on something that isn't keys. 

Donghyuck plays pretending that the weight of Mark’s stare isn’t on him. He gets lost in the music and finds himself getting tired as the melody progresses. It wasn’t what he wanted to play tonight, but it is fine nevertheless. 

The lights above buzz lowly as he plays, creating an atmosphere that feels safe and warm. Content is a word Donghyuck rarely thinks about, but it may be exactly what he is feeling right now. 

As he plays, fingers running across the keys, he notices that the space between him and Mark is becoming smaller. It lights something under Donghyuck’s skin that he hasn’t felt in a long while. It is comforting almost, the feeling of connecting with someone without any words passing between them. 

He only falters a little when he feels Mark’s thigh touch his, but he continues to play like nothing ever happened. If there is anything Donghyuck can do, it is being able to keep his cool and move straight on. 

And even in these weird circumstances Donghyuck has found himself, he is happier than he was only weeks earlier. Making an acquaintance may have something to do with that. 

And a new found purpose too he guesses. To play for said acquaintance when he is drunk and when he is not. Donghyuck could do this for a while. 

When he says for a while he means right now, of course. Until he doesn’t. 

Mark slips from where he was keeping his elbow and catches himself right before his head smashes against the keys. Donghyuck stops playing and grabs Mark by the upper arm to steady him. He sees how Mark’s eyes are mostly closed and realizes that he was falling asleep, again. 

_And time to get him home,_ Donghyuck gets up from the bench. Mark makes a noise of protest as Donghyuck pulls him up so he can cover the keys once more. 

“Come on man, help me help you.” Donghyuck grumbles as he gets Mark’s arm around his neck to half carry him out of the practice room. 

He flicks the lights off and walks carefully through the darkness so neither of them trip over some busted ass piece of wood or whatever. 

Donghyuck sees Mark’s breath in the moonlight as it comes through the windows. He notices that Mark isn’t wearing anything heavy and wonders if he should shrug off his coat and give it to the other man. 

Once they reach outside, Donghyuck stops in an area that isn’t covered in ice. He stands Mark up so he won’t fall over when he takes off his coat. He shoves it into Mark’s cold hands and tells him to put it on. 

Without argument (shocking) Mark does put it on and wraps himself tightly in the warm fabric. Donghyuck can’t help but smile just a tad. 

“Sorry for showing up and all, just been stressed you know? Writer’s block and all, reason why I went out tonight. Friends wanted to cheer me up, but I just— I just really wanted to hear you play again.” Mark rambles and his words get slurred the more he talks, mostly out of pure tiredness from what Donghyuck can see. 

Donghyuck wonders how he hasn’t seen Mark around town before, not like he hasn’t been living here that long. But maybe Mark is more of an introvert than he first thought. Still, it’s nice that he has enough friends to pick him up when things get tough. 

Maybe Donghyuck could get that again too. 

Mark starts dozing off again, leaning against the side of Donghyuck’s body and now the real problem comes into focus. How the hell is he supposed to get Mark home if he has no idea where he lives and there are quite literally no cabs in sight? 

“Where do you live?” Donghyuck asks, letting the other lean against him as he pulls his own phone out of his pocket. Maybe he can get an Uber or something… 

_If you live on the other side of town, I will fucking kill you—_

“Don’t worry about it, I live on the back roads on the other side of town. Just take me to your place.” Mark yawns and pats Donghyuck’s shoulder to offer some type of half-assed comfort. 

_Well shit me right on the fucking floor. Of course, of course you do!_

Donghyuck regrets ever saying anything and he hopes Mark’s luck runs out. Because now he is stuck here with a man that refuses to give him his address and Uber prices that are through the fucking roof. 

So he does what anyone else would do in this situation and sits Mark square on the sidewalk and paces back and forth trying to figure out what the hell he is supposed to do. 

He still doesn’t know Mark that well so can he really afford to bring him back to his place. What if he is still a murderer… and he is just really good at hiding it? 

Donghyuck looks at Mark again and sees him sway twice before falling right on to his side, giggling to himself as he plays with dirty snow that now surrounds him. Okay so he isn’t an axe murderer, sue Donghyuck for even trying to hold onto that idea. 

And now that he really thinks about it, he already let the other man walk him home all those weeks ago. If Mark wanted to do anything, he would’ve stolen all of his shit forever ago. Anyways, he doesn’t look like the burglary type, it may be all the clumsy bruises he has gotten that sort of give that away. 

_Regrets are for tomorrow, not like you have any better options right now,_ Donghyuck tilts his head back and pinches the bridge of his nose. _If you die, you die._

“Okay, up you go big guy. Let’s take you somewhere that isn’t the ground.” Donghyuck gets Mark up from the sidewalk and it causes him more trouble than it’s worth, but hey, he’s up. 

It takes double the time to get back to Donghyuck’s apartment due to the extra dead weight that is Mark. Luckily the elevator is working after maintenance took care of it earlier in the week so Donghyuck doesn’t have to drag his ass up the stairs. Small blessings. 

He struggles unlocking the door, but after a couple tries and telling Mark to back off for a minute, they get in. Donghyuck doesn’t even bother telling him to take his shoes off, he just toes his own off and slips into a pair of slippers before leading Mark into his bedroom. 

Donghyuck all but throws Mark on to the bed and starts to take his shoes off so he doesn’t track in more dirt than necessary. The bed is definitely too small for the both of them so Donghyuck grabs some blankets and decides the couch will do. 

Mark isn’t snoring, but he is pretty close to when Donghyuck finishes tucking him in under his comforter. He then pulls something out to sleep in before exiting his bedroom. He closes it, not really worrying how loud he is because he doesn’t even think the apocalypse could wake him up. 

He makes sure to deposit Mark’s shoes on the shoe rack in front of his apartment’s door just in case he wakes up early and decides to let himself out. Which Donghyuck doubts will happen because if there is anything he knows now is that whatever this is—luck, destiny, Heaven forbid _fate_ —is not on his side. 

Even if it’s the “luck” he called on to himself in the first place. Yes, quotations are necessary. 

Donghyuck messes around on his laptop for an hour or so before going to sleep himself. It is a little harder to get comfortable here than in his bed, but it is good enough for one night. The idea that Mark is even here blows his mind. 

Now he can only hope that he will wake up tomorrow, but if hungover Mark is anything like the slightly tipsy version of himself, Donghyuck thinks he could take him on. 

He isn’t that worried though, he really isn’t.

  


  


Yeah, Donghyuck regrets calling in sick for work for a number of reasons. 

First, he almost got busted because his acting was a little rusty and they figured out that he wasn’t “too sick” by the time he forgot to cough five minutes into the conversation. 

Second, what the hell is he suppose to say when Mark gets up? Does he just hit him with a: _oh yeah I dragged your sorry ass back to my apartment because you were so out of it that you refused to give me directions to your place?_

Donghyuck woke up tired, immediately getting hit with the memories of the previous night like a film reel. His eyes shot open and panicked 0.3 seconds into being awake because he has nothing to make for breakfast, especially for two. 

And that happened at 6AM. 

He can’t even remember a time when he had got up that early. Now he is pacing in the hallway as he brews a pot of coffee. It’s the best he has to offer, alright?

Donghyuck bites on his nail as he tries to figure out what to even say to Mark. He is pretty sure the other man will remember most of the night, but will have at least some type of hangover.

God he forgot to leave some water on his bedside table, he couldn’t even do that right. It’s been way too long since he has had guests over. He is so out of practice it’s sad. 

Here are some options to he came up with:

1\. Aye, Mark, how’s it going? You may be really confused right now but I’m Dong—  


\- He already knows my name so this one is cut, next. 

2\. Um, yeah Mark you got hammered last night and you told me to bring you f— food?  


\- Lie, next.

3\. Mark, you got drunk and I brought you back here, so here are some meds to kill the headache and I can make coffee or tea if you would like?  


\- At first Donghyuck thinks this can work then…  


\- What if he doesn’t like coffee or tea, what if he can’t swallow pills, _what if—_

Donghyuck hasn’t felt this hopeless in a social interaction since the time he was dumped by his first boyfriend in the courtyard of his school. 

When he turns back around to start pacing back towards his bedroom door, he notices a mess of hair and wide eyes look right at him. He startles enough to jump back and put a hand on his chest to try and steady his quickened heartbeat. 

Mark scared the fuck out of him, my God. 

“Oh hey.” Donghyuck says dumbly.

Mark nods back and completely opens the door, he leans his back against it while he cracks his neck. He looks like a mess after sleeping in the clothes he was wearing last night and Donghyuck feels bad for not making him change into something better than jeans. 

“Morning, heard you walking out here.” 

Donghyuck flushes at the statement. He laughs awkwardly and tries to find his balance in his own home, but Mark seems to be taking all the equilibrium for himself. 

“Sorry about that, you probably got a headache. Do you want some pain killers, water, coffee?” Donghyuck rambles as if he has Mark’s tongue, causing the other man to laugh before groaning. 

“Water and pills may be a good idea.” He timidly says and Donghyuck takes that as his opportunity to leave. 

He grabs a bottle of ibuprofen from the bathroom cabinet and meets Mark in his kitchen area. He sees that Mark has already found the mugs that Donghyuck placed on the counter earlier and has poured himself a hot cup of coffee. 

Donghyuck smiles and places the pill bottle next to Mark’s head that is now resting on the cool tile of the counter. 

“Here you go, hot stuff.” He snorts as Mark tries to find the bottle right next to his head without looking up. 

Mark finds them eventually. He takes three and puts the bottle to the side once he is finished. Donghyuck watches him breath in his coffee and finds it to be somewhat endearing. Mostly because his coffee tastes like shit most of the time. 

“So,” Donghyuck starts after a couple minutes of semi-awkward silence. coughed a tad. “Do you, uh, do you remember last night?” 

“I think I do… but did I do something last night that bothered you?” Mark asks with a stupid amount of fear written all over his face. Donghyuck waves at him with both hands to settle him down. 

“ _No no no,_ you didn’t do anything— I just, I am so sorry for saying it like that—” Donghyuck tries to clean up his previous statement, but it sounds like Mark is feeling a little better because now he is the one laughing. 

“You called me hot stuff.” Mark points out, changing the subject which Donghyuck is grateful for, even if the subject is just as embarrassing.

“Shut up and drink your coffee.” He mumbles into his own cup with a huff (see he drinks black coffee too!)

Mark looks at Donghyuck as they drink their coffee in silence. He doesn’t ask for breakfast or why exactly he is here so Donghyuck infers that he does remember most of last night. 

He feels himself get hot under Mark’s gaze, not like it is strong or anything, but he can’t remember if he was ever given this much attention from someone else. He wants to know what Mark is thinking. 

Once Donghyuck finishes his mug, he washes it out and leaves it in the sink. He leans against the counter and tilts his head, smiling at Mark before speaking. 

“I’m off work today so I’m just gonna be hanging out around here. You can head out whenever you want. Bathroom is the door left of the bedroom and if you want to shower, there is a clean towel in there.” Donghyuck speaks softer than he wanted to, but if Mark smiles back at him like this every time he speaks in a quieter tone then maybe he won’t ever stop. 

Donghyuck walks out of the kitchen and moves his way to the living area. The tv plays the weekend news on silent and he sits down on the couch as he fiddles with the remote.

It doesn’t take long for him to hear Mark make noise. He grins to himself as he listens to Mark clean out his cup and put it in the sink. The ceramic of the sink clicks as he messes around and Donghyuck is happy he just doesn’t hear anything break. 

He wonders how long Mark will stay. Donghyuck doesn’t necessarily want to kick him out, it is nice having someone in the apartment other than him. It makes him think about getting a cat or dog again, just to have something else breathing in the same area. 

Settling on a channel that is showing reruns of a random drama, Donghyuck allows himself to daydream a little. He grabs a spare pillow from the corner of the couch and holds it against his chest. 

Mark is… interesting, to say the least. But he is funny and Donghyuck really appreciates how it is almost like Mark’s personal goal is to keep a smile on his face. Mark treats him like they are old childhood friends, warm and knowing. 

Maybe it's the loneliness that Donghyuck keeps hidden away under lock and key that is seeping out. He really needs to get out more. 

_God, I need a vacation,_ Donghyuck leans his head back and closes his eyes. He focuses on his breathing and the movements of his chest as it goes up and down. Maybe he just needs to get into meditation. 

It is easy to lose touch in the world when all you do is work to keep yourself afloat. Donghyuck struggles some days with the idea that this is his life, a life he chose nevertheless, but still the life he is currently surviving. 

He doesn’t like thinking about what he took advantage of when he was still living back home, not having a single bill to pay or wondering if he would have enough food for the day. It sounds worse than it actually is, but it is… stressful sometimes. 

This stress over takes him, makes him forget that he is capable of feeling anything else. Sometimes when he gets so lost, he can’t help but question if this is really all that life has to offer. He doesn’t like sounding so fucking… defeated or pessimistic about it, but after a 50 hour week, it is sort of hard not to. 

Mark feels like an oasis, water in the middle of a never ending drought. His energy is a breath of fresh air and even if Donghyuck can’t hang out with him all the time, he thinks it’ll be enough for him to get through the days easier than before. 

That’s what… friends are for, right? Yeah, friends seems good now. 

Halfway to a glorious nap with Mark’s name on the tip of his tongue, Donghyuck is startled back awake when Mark himself appears in the living room. 

“Jesus Christ, are you trying to make me have a stroke?” Donghyuck bites out with little heat attached to his words, Mark smiles with a small shrug. Punk.

“Have you ever wanted to do something stupid? Maybe not stupid, but like, crazy?” Mark asks out of the blue. He sits down on the edge of the couch and looks at Donghyuck with his Bambi eyes. 

Donghyuck’s eyebrows string together showing that he is listening and he feels like this may be a new regret to add to his list of many. 

“Keep going…”

“Well, it’s been a while since I have been to the city and I was wondering if you wanted to… I don’t know, go visit with me? You have work off and it is the weekend, so.” 

Donghyuck blinks at Mark like he has lost his mind. Go on a trip, to the city of all places? With what money, with what time? Just because he isn’t working today doesn’t mean he isn’t working tomorrow (okay he isn’t scheduled for tomorrow, and). 

And with Mark, go on a trip… with him… right now? Yeah okay, that is a little crazy and a whole lot of stupid. So he tells him that. 

“That seems a little sudden don’t you think? How will we get there? Where would we stay the night?” Donghyuck doesn’t say no, and it looks like Mark notices that too. 

“I got the bus fare taken care of and we can find an Airbnb easily, the city is huge. It’ll be fun, and yeah it is sudden, but… you don’t have to say yes. Just don’t say no.” Mark isn’t begging, but he is looking at Donghyuck like _that_ and what can he do? 

What does he have to lose? He can count everything he owns that is worth any value on one hand and he just fucking thought about needing a vacation so is this really the Universe’s sign saying: _go!!! Have fun!!! Stop acting like you have a foot in the grave and just fucking live a little!!!_

“I’m not saying no.” Is what Donghyuck says. 

Mark jumps up and punches the air before reeling himself back in. Donghyuck watches the other man get almost giddy at the thought of spending even more time with him. He shakes his head at the display and refuses to acknowledge how his heart is skipping more than one beat. 

“Awesome, so I’ll be back in like, an hour or so if that’s cool? This is gonna be so much fun!” Mark leaves the living room and comes back in with his phone and keys that he must have placed on Donghyuck’s night stand after he left. 

“It’ll be something alright.”

He walks Mark out with a wave and watches him walk down the hallway with a pep in his step. Donghyuck closes his front door shaking his head.

Then he is off to his room. He notices how the bed is made and his bedside table is straightened out, Mark must have cleaned up before leaving… okay.

Anyways, what the hell does he need to bring? How long will they be gone for? What about his boss, what about the bills? Okay maybe Donghyuck got a little ahead of himself after saying: _not no._

It’s a little late for that now, not like he could back out. A vacation won’t kill him and maybe if he goes out and takes some photos, he can send them to his little brother to show to Mom and Dad.

Sure this is probably a bad idea, if just being a financially stupid decision in itself. But if he could use it to prove a point that he can do this real life shit on his own then he is going to take advantage of it. 

Mark hasn’t even been gone 5 minutes and Donghyuck is already questioning himself for crying out loud. This is stupid. 

_Are you really going to put everything you have worked for on the line because you are just a little lonely?_

Donghyuck swallows as he sits down in front of his dresser. His father is a writer, more like an editor, for a big newspaper in the city. 

His dad and he never really saw eye to eye when Donghyuck was growing up. Being a man of the “arts” (he thinks his dad was a writer at some point at least) you would think he would’ve appreciated Donghyuck’s passion for music. 

And he was, when he was younger at least. His parents went to his piano recitals, dance competitions, and choir shows. But as Donghyuck aged, the more he was pushed out of those things and into the debate team, math club, and all other sorts of stuff. 

It’s when his dad told him he wanted his oldest son to carry on the family name, be in business or something along those lines that everything fell apart. How he looked his son in the eyes and saw a “businessman” in the making is beyond Donghyuck when he never showed interest in that kind of work. 

It’s all in the past now. 

He wonders how Mom is doing, she probably appreciates how quiet the house is now without having to hear him and his father yell back and forth with each other over classes, exams, and whatever the future had to offer him. 

Donghyuck couldn’t even imagine his future home turning into a battleground that he and his father created. 

A compromise was made, but it reads more like a deal. 

If he can last a year out on his own, no help from home on finances and such, he can go back to school in the city for whatever major he wants. No visiting, no talking, _no nothing._

If Donghyuck can’t however, it’s back home he goes into the hands of his father to make him the dream son he has grown to want. 

Maybe the life his parents want for him is more comfortable than this. Donghyuck looks around his room and notes the cracks in the ceiling and his barren walls. 

This is his life, though, one he chose all himself. A life that no matter how hard it gets, it will always be his own. 

Donghyuck doesn’t hate his parents, he knows that they just want what is best for him. But he just can’t go back. He has to make this life worth living for himself and he refuses to let anything or anyone in his way.

He swears at himself, he is losing time and what is he doing? Getting lost in the past when there are much more pressing matters in the present. Donghyuck throws some of his clothes out of his dresser recklessly on to his bed. 

_You can’t go, you can’t go, Donghyuck you can’t do it._

And he has to ignore it because if he doesn’t go, he may never get a chance like this again. If Mark really is an oasis then Donghyuck is practically begging for water, who is he to hold out on himself? What kind of fucking self-sabotage is that?

When did he become an angsty piece of shit? This isn’t just stupid, it’s fucking _tiring._

A knock on his front door pulls Donghyuck off the floor and down the short hallway. He looks through the peep hole and sees a fresher version of Mark than what he is used to. He opens the door and Mark walks in as if this is his home that he simply forgot the key to. 

“Well that was fast.” Donghyuck notes as Mark takes his shoes off. His socks have little opossums on them, cute. 

“I thought the faster I got back, the less likely you would back out so here I am!” Mark cheerfully says. He is wearing a hand knitted sweater that has a flock of snowmen on it which Donghyuck also finds cute, what the fuck. 

When Mark finishes taking his shoes off, he lifts his head and Donghyuck breath gets stuck in his throat. 

_Oh my God he wears glasses and they are totally not cute, not at all. Oh no, they are really cute, what. the. fuck._

“And how do you know I’m the type to back out?” Donghyuck sputters out, panicking over quite literally nothing and everything at once. 

“You aren’t the type to back out, you just… hold everything in your eyes, Duckie.” Mark tilts his head and points at Donghyuck’s face. “Like that! Like right now, ha!” 

As much as Donghyuck wants to punch Mark, he also really wants to… he doesn’t know. He doesn’t want this moment to end. 

With a hand motion telling Mark that he will let it go, Donghyuck just mutters under his breath loud enough for the other man to hear, the smallest of smiles resting on his lips, “are you going to help me pack or not?”

  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> road-motherfucking-trippppp, let's gooooooo.
> 
> make sure to leave a kudo, comment, slap across the face if you liked what you read uwu.
> 
> that being said, see y'all in the next one. ciao!
> 
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/travelingsymphony)


	2. in a warmer town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghyuck grew up in the city so he wasn’t super excited to go visit or anything, but he couldn’t say the same for Mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year everyone!!!! we made it, hell yeah. even though 2020 sucked in general, it was my best year for writing. i got a total of 4 completed fics posted for three different fandoms! never in my life did i ever this i would write this much. i hope i can continue writing in 2021, but with school and work... only god knows lmfao. 
> 
> thanks for the love on part one, i appreciate it a lot! this part was so much fun to write and i hope you guys will like it tons and tons. 
> 
> i really need to make a curiouscat... smh maybe one day. anyways, happy reading!

  


  


Donghyuck grew up in the city so he wasn’t super excited to go visit or anything, but he couldn’t say the same for Mark.

He looks over at the other man as they sit side by side in the back of an Uber; he watches as Mark’s knee bounces up and down out of eagerness. Just a handful of hours ago while Donghyuck finished packing, Mark sat right next to him and told him about how he grew up in this small town. 

Well, sort of. Mark moved across the ocean when he was younger with his family. They ended up settling in this small town after his father got a job in construction. At first it was hard for Mark to learn a completely new language and make friends, but he managed to get his feet under him when he befriended an older friend of his brother’s who was also a foreigner. 

Donghyuck let himself imagine Mark following Johnny ( _best brother ever, you’d love him!_ Mark says over and over again) with his big eyes and adventurous heart. It would all be a little Ugly Duckling-ish, if only Mark was you know, ugly. Which, he is not. 

Anyways, Mark’s parents moved to the city after he graduated from community college, saying that they needed a change in scenery. He talked about how he tries to visit every once in a while, but how it is hard to come up with the cash to get there.

So he learned that Mark is saving up for a car to cut on expenses like Uber rides and bus passes. Donghyuck wanted to ask him if he normally didn’t have the money to visit his own parents, then why are they going for such… miniscule reasons. They could’ve just gone to the national park only 15 minutes away if they wanted to “get away” for awhile. 

But it didn’t feel right to ask because he seemed really happy and well, who was Donghyuck to ruin that. 

Once he was completely packed, they sat on the couch and watched tv as they put their heads together to find somewhere to crash for a couple nights. Donghyuck searched for the cheapest Airbnb he could find on his laptop and ended up seeing a fairly cheap condo that was still somehow free for the weekend. 

Mark was the one to book the place and they were set to go. Donghyuck let himself settle with the idea that he was going on a trip with someone he only met a few weeks ago and tried to pretend that wasn’t crazy. And while he did that, Mark sat happily at his side, nibbling on some microwave popcorn.

 _Maybe this is why Mom wanted me to stay home… I have no sense of self-preservation._

They waited until the sun was setting to schedule a ride to the city. Being dumb and dumber, they almost missed their ride completely due to getting way too caught up in watching _Death Note_. If Donghyuck didn’t look at his phone when he did, they would’ve been rideless paired with bruised egos.

Donghyuck apologized over and over again while Mark packed their things in the trunk of the car. Their driver was a nice lady who just laughed it off and told them it wasn’t that big of a deal.

“I was able to get a smoke in before the two of you tumbled out.” She laughed and waved a hand, almost like she wanted to ruffle Donghyuck’s hair. 

_I’ll have to remember to give her a good tip when we get into town,_ Donghyuck thinks as he looks out of the foggy window. 

He wishes it was a clear day so he could see the sun set in the distance, but the weather calls for snow. The sky is filled with dark gray clouds, heavy with precipitation, and it makes Donghyuck feel cold just looking at it. God, he just wants spring to come around sooner than later. 

“You good?” Mark asks. Donghyuck turns from the window to look at him and nods, not realizing that he is currently shivering.

“Yeah, just looks cold outside.” He mumbles with a tilt of his head. Mark nods, agreeing with him, but what Donghyuck doesn’t expect is him taking off his jacket. 

Or at least trying to. Mark gets himself stuck on the seatbelt a couple times, but does manage to get his jacket off to give it to Donghyuck. He stares at the other man when he places the jacket on his lap. 

“You look like you need it.” Mark murmurs, playing with his hands as he looks away. 

Donghyuck peers at the jacket, thumbing at the dark material that is still warm (it’s lined with fleece). He stares at it a little too long, but ends up taking off his seatbelt to put it on. He refuses to say thanks, but he thinks that he doesn’t really need to. 

Because when he looks at Mark again, the other man is already gazing back with a small smile. 

And he swears he hears their driver stop herself from laughing as she coughs into her fist. But hey, at least Donghyuck sees her turn up the heat a little higher. He calls it a win. 

The rest of the drive is silent, but comfortable. Music fills the car and Donghyuck taps the changing beats against his thigh, swaying to every song and mouthing the words to each chorus. 

When they reach the city, it is dark outside. It hasn’t started snowing yet but Donghyuck doesn’t think it will be too long from now. The streets are covered with lights and tinsel, painting the town in shimmery goldens and silvers. 

Maybe when he gets back he can buy himself a little tree and decorate it for the holidays. If he can manage enough time to do it. 

“Welp here’s your stop boys.” Their driver parks a couple blocks away from where they are staying so they can walk around a little bit and pick something up to eat for a late dinner. 

“Thank you so much!” Donghyuck yells as he gets out of the car and Mark gives his thanks as well. 

They grab their things out of the truck of the car and wave goodbye as the car drives away. Donghyuck leaves a tip on his phone before he can forget and straightens his backpack on his shoulder. 

“You got anywhere in mind for dinner?” He asks Mark who is scrolling on his phone. 

Donghyuck hasn’t been on this side of town much, but enough to know the crossroads of where they are at. If he remembers correctly, there is a hole-in-the-wall restaurant not too far away where they can pick up some cheap food. 

The only time he went there was after school, he would pick his little brother up and they would walk to the little corner store to grab drinks and sometimes a snack if Donghyuck had enough money leftover from doing chores. 

He totally forgot about that until right now, and he wonders if his brother ever goes to visit on his own. Probably not, most high schoolers have better things to do than that. Donghyuck likes to believe he was the exception (more like wants to believe he was a good brother at some point). 

“We can go wherever you want.” Mark says, putting a hand out for Donghyuck to lead any which way he desires.

Donghyuck smiles, “I know just the place.”

He is starting to get really used to walking by Mark’s side, and Donghyuck thinks about how it’s probably the activity they have done the most together. 

In the corner of his eye, Donghyuck notices something new. Whenever they pass a group of strangers or a car comes by, Mark always goes over to the side that distances Donghyuck away from the commotion. 

It’s a sweet gesture even though Donghyuck is pretty sure Mark couldn’t hurt a fly. But he appreciates it nevertheless, he doesn’t remember anyone doing that for him before. And it’s not like he needs protection, but it is nice to at least have it offered. 

He doesn’t know how to say that he likes it, so he is just going to leave it at that. 

(He likes it). 

They arrive at the restaurant quickly. It was a little closer than what Donghyuck remembered and he was happy for that as the temperature outside started to drop out of nowhere. 

With chattering teeth, Mark and he find a place to sit. They put their things snug under the table so their feet just barely graze past them while they sit. 

The table is wobbly and the chairs look like they can’t hold the weight of anything heavier than a paperclip. It’s like Donghyuck never left. 

“Menu is up there,” Donghyuck points to the wall closest to the cashier who is just a teenager scrolls aimlessly on their phone. “Just tell me what you want and I can order.” 

“What do you usually get?” Mark asks, looking at Donghyuck like he is an all knowing God. 

Donghyuck flushes under the gaze for some reason so he tears his eyes away to look at the menu again. His eyes search up and down the menu until they set on all too familiar words. 

“I really like their lavender milk tea, it isn’t too sweet but not too… flowery I guess. I also really like their waffle crepes with nutella and strawberries. My little brother likes the ham and cheese one with their home-made chili sauce.” 

Mark hums in response as he reads the menu, but it doesn’t like he is paying attention too much. His eyes are moving way too fast for him to possibly be reading unless he was blessed with the ability of speedy comprehension. 

“I’ll get the lavender milk tea and the ham and cheese waffle crepe thingy.” Donghyuck nods when Mark finishes giving him his order. 

He watches for a split second as Mark moves to grab his wallet. But before the other man can even imagine giving him money, Donghyuck is out of his chair. 

“You can buy the next round!” He shouts and tries to keep himself from smiling when he hears Mark laugh in the near distance. 

Donghyuck orders and continues to talk to the person who is making their food. He is able to watch how the crepes are made in a bubbly looking waffle iron and how mouthwatering all the food looks as it gets closer to being done. 

He gets their two milk teas first then the food wrapped in tough paper. Donghyuck balances them skillfully as he walks back to his table. Mark is on his phone, but looks up right before he arrives. The other man’s eyes widen and he tries to get up to help, but Donghyuck stops him before he has a tiny heart attack. 

“I’m a waiter, don’t worry about it.” He hands Mark his drink and straw then places his food in front of him. 

He tries not to think about how that is one of the first things he has ever really shared about himself to Mark. Sure, Mark knew he worked, but he didn’t know it was waiting tables. Not like it matters, Donghyuck doesn’t understand why he cares so much. 

Sitting down with his own food, Donghyuck turns his attention to his tea. He stabs the boba straw into the top of the plastic and doesn’t waste time, taking a big sip in as soon as he can. His eyes shut as he enjoys the sweet taste and remembers why he liked home, even if it was for the little things like this. 

When he opens his eyes they meet Mark’s. 

“You really do like it huh?” The other man teases and Donghyuck can’t even think of a witty remark. 

So they dig in. For a few minutes, they eat in silence but Donghyuck can tell Mark is having something comparable to an out-of-body experience. The food is warm compared to the outdoors and it gives Donghyuck a fuzzy feeling. 

“You mentioned a little brother.” Mark suddenly says. It catches Donghyuck off guard and he is happy that he wasn’t currently chewing anything because he would’ve definitely started choking. 

“Uh yeah, he’s in high school now so not that little but yeah.” Donghyuck shrugs. He wishes he could say something better but he can’t even remember the last time they talked. 

“Little brothers suck, coming from the source.” Mark laughs as he points to himself and Donghyuck joins him. 

“Oh yeah, I remember a time where he absolutely destroyed the kitchen trying to bake some cookies then blamed it completely on me.” Donghyuck snorts and Mark throws his head back, giggling up a storm. 

“Okay I don’t think I was that bad, but I definitely was needy.” 

Donghyuck tilts his head, “Whatcha mean?”

“I always wanted to hang out with Johnny but he got tired of it, being like almost 5 years older than me. But I just thought he was the coolest, along with his friends. Oh well, little brothers always look up to the older one, you know?” 

And that shakes Donghyuck more than he wants to admit. 

He grins down at the crusts of his food, remembering how Jisung would ‘never’ want his so Donghyuck could snack on them instead. How Jisung would drag Donghyuck to his soccer games, even in the cold rain. The way Jisung looked at him when Donghyuck tried to pick up playing the guitar. 

How Jisung would hug him after Donghyuck got into another fight with their father, how his own little brother would be the one to wipe his tears from his face. How he would say: _if anyone could do it, it’s you._

Donghyuck really misses him; his annoying, piece of shit, lovely little brother. 

He is flushed with a feeling of nostalgia and it's like they always say, no matter the memory, good or bad, it always leaves you feeling a little emptier than before. And that’s exactly what Donghyuck feels right now. 

Mark looks like he wants to take back everything he has ever said in his life. But Donghyuck manages to give him a soft smile, a true one, that allows the other man to relax. He notices how Mark's shoulders drop a little and he smiles back timidly. 

And for now, that is enough. 

“You ready to head out?” Donghyuck asks and Mark just gives him a nod.

It’s snowing lightly when they exit the restaurant. It’s cold as hell, but both of them decide to walk to the condo they are staying at just to enjoy the experience that is freshly fallen snow. 

It makes Donghyuck’s nose freeze and grow snotty by the minute, but Mark looks up like he has never seen snow before in his life. It lights a fire in his chest and he can only hope that cold wind will put out this weird mess Donghyuck has found himself in. 

They reach the condo with quick feet and slightly damp everything. As Mark puts in the code, Donghyuck can’t help himself but ask:

“What are we doing?” _Here, together. Why this? Why me?_

Mark turns his head and looks at him with the truest expression Donghyuck has possibly ever seen. It startles him for a second and causes his breath to catch in his throat. 

“To have fun of course. You are only in your 20s once.”

And Donghyuck really expected something stupid for a response, but he is also happy to hear Mark’s honest answer. Even if that answer also showed him how Mark’s eyes flickered down to look at his lips, just for a moment. 

He is just going to pretend he saw nothing at all.

  


  


“Oh my God.” Is the first thing that comes out of Mark’s mouth when they enter the condo. 

Donghyuck sets his backpack down as he takes off his shoes. He puts them on the shoe rack that is just by the door so he doesn’t track too much snow in, but ends up running straight into Mark’s back when he tries to stand back up. 

“Dude, what the fuck… oh. my. _God._ ” 

His eyes widen when he finally gets a look at the condo. And holy shit, it is fucking huge! There is a part of Donghyuck that is screaming they are in the wrong place, but they both double checked the door number before trying to enter, so. 

And sure, they saw photos on the website, but they clearly didn’t do justice as both of their jaws are on the floor. The living room is the first thing they see and it is massive, white couches match the equally spotless decor. The tv is the size of one of Donghyuck’s bedroom _walls._

The kitchen is just to the left, only separated by a dark granite bar. The dark wood cabinets are striking against the white and gold interior everywhere else. The fridge is giant and taller than Donghyuck has ever seen one before. Leafy green plants are in every corner and the hardwood floors glisten in the soft light.

Mark and Donghyuck look at each other then back to the room. Then back at each other. 

Donghyuck is the first to start laughing almost boyishly before running into the living room to jump onto the couch. Decorative pillows go flying as he bounces up and down on the luxurious padding.

He watches Mark walk (run) to the kitchen and open up every cabinet he can reach with glee. Gold-plated cups, bowls, and plates are beautifully stacked and the silverware looks like it glows. The fridge from what Donghyuck can see is fully stocked with anything you could think of and he can’t wait to raid it later. 

Donghyuck lets his feet fall to the ground, he rubs his toes into the soft as a feather carpet and wonders if he died in the snow and just didn’t know it. He sighs as he finds himself getting more and more comfortable on the couch. 

_Is this Heaven because if it is I may have to get into this religion stuff,_ Donghyuck thinks as he runs his hands over the incredibly soft fabric that covers the couch.

After a while, he doesn’t hear a sound and he wonders where Mark possibly went off to. Donghyuck opens an eye and sees the other man standing by the windows, leaning against the farthest wall. The wall in front of him is completely covered in crystal clear glass, showing off the skyline of the city that is below them. 

Mark’s silhouette is surrounded by the bright city lights down below. He looks ethereal, having a physical aura around his body as he stands like he is on the tallest mountain in the world. Donghyuck gazes at him unblinking before turning back around. 

He wonders what the other man is thinking and wonders why he cares so much, but eventually decides that the massive tv in front of him was definitely worth his time investigating. 

Maybe Donghyuck would learn one day… not like it matters if he doesn’t. 

Mark does make his way to the couch at some point. Donghyuck thinks about how he should be watching one of the many Christmas movies that are playing but can’t really bring himself to. He has watched the animated Grinch movie enough to satisfy him even in the next lifetime. 

So _Crazy Rich Asians_ it is. 

Donghyuck snots up now because of the infamous wedding scene that plays before him. _Can’t Help Falling in Love_ plays in the background as the bride walks down in her fairytale-like gown. 

The song reminds him of his mother, singing in his ear while he was curled around her in his bed as a child. And this rendition of the song is so memorizing that it pulls at him as if he was a guest at the wedding as well. 

He ignores the looks Mark throws at him (concerned looks at that) and continues to watch the movie. He has managed to wrap his body around one of the pillows. Donghyuck has pulled a whole throw blanket around himself so he is all comfy and ready to pass out here. 

But he knows he should make it to a real bed. So when the movie finishes, he gets out of his man-made sanctuary and makes it to one of the bedrooms after picking up his backpack that was left sitting in the front doorway. 

The bedroom is just as white and golden as the rest of the apartment. The bed has to be a king size and has pretty pillows covering it. There is a set of loveseats that sit by an alcove that has a giant window showing off the other side of town. 

Donghyuck takes a deep breath in and wonders how the fuck they managed to pull in a place like this, even if only for a handful of nights. But he ignores the gnawing feeling when he sees the bathroom. 

It is… way too big. It has both a bath and shower which Donghyuck will definitely use tomorrow, especially when he sees a sea of bath bombs to choose from. There are two sinks which he finds a little weird but whatever. More the merrier he guesses. 

He places his toiletries on the marble sink counter and starts getting ready for bed. He goes through his face washing routine and brushes his teeth. Donghyuck bareface looks ghostly under the light and he wonders when was the last time he got sun. His skin is usually so much… brighter, darker than this. 

“Maybe the person who made tan beddings was onto something.” He mumbles to himself. 

Donghyuck shakes his head and gets changed. He brought a heavy set of pajamas because he thought he was going to freeze to death. However, the condo is heated quite nicely so he just pulls out an oversized t-shirt that he was thinking of wearing out, but clearly the snow has other plans.

A pair of boxers and the shirt should do for how many blankets that are piled up on the bed. God, he is so excited to sleep on a nice mattress again. Maybe it will be like the one he slept on when he was a kid, maybe it will allow him a good night's rest. He is desperate for one. 

Donghyuck is humming to himself as he exits the bathroom. He sways as he puts his stuff down on one of the chairs instead of unpacking, they aren’t going to be there long enough to do that anyways. 

When he turns around, he screams. 

“ _Mark,_ you scared me. What the fuck man.” Donghyuck’s voice is high and he wants to jump at the man for doing that to him. 

Mark stands awkwardly at the doorway of the bedroom, holding a tin bucket of what Donghyuck can only assume is kettle corn. Donghyuck watches him fumble the container and sees how wide his eyes are.

And Donghyuck suddenly remembers what he is wearing. His skin turns hot and he knows he must be crismon by now. 

Mark’s eyes wip to the floor and he shifts on his feet, a hand still in the popcorn of course. And okay, now Donghyuck is nervous simply due to the energy Mark is releasing in the room. 

The other man mumbles something under his breath and Donghyuck turns his head to hear him better but only gets the last few words. 

“— if that’s okay.” 

“What did you say?” Donghyuck asks with his eyebrows furrowed. 

Mark gulps and shifts his weight, again, “There’s… there’s only one bedroom.”

Donghyuck blinks, okay why is he supposed to care— wait. 

“There’s only one bedroom.” He repeats back to Mark. 

“Yeah.”

Oh. _oh._

Mark looks at him, doe-eyed and Donghyuck’s heart almost gives out: _oh, that’s why there are two sinks in the bathroom!_

“I can totally sleep on the couch, did you see that thing? It is huge so don’t even worry about it. I’ll just make my way there right now, you look— you look _awesome!_ Ready for bed and all that so I’ll just… I’ll just go.” Mark speaks a mile a minute and Donghyuck is getting a headache. 

He looks at the bed as Mark turns on his heels to leave. Even though Donghyuck is on the other side of the bedroom, he is next to Mark in a flash. He grabs the other man’s elbow and wonders if he is about to make the mistake of a lifetime. 

“I mean… the bed isn’t that small.” He murmurs. Donghyuck points at the bed and he knows that once all the pillows are off it, there will be more than enough room for two. 

The question really is: what if Mark doesn’t want to sleep there? Next to him? 

Mark looks back at Donghyuck with an expression that is closely related to pain and Donghyuck lets go of his elbow just because of that. Of course Mark wouldn’t want to sleep next to him, he is a stranger after all. What kind of question was that— 

_You’re friends, you have carried his ass home and now are on a stupid vacation together. You are friends, why are you so afraid to admit that?_

“If you are comfortable, with that… then that’s uh, cool.” Mark falls over his words and Donghyuck hates how endearing it is becoming. 

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.”

Mark stumbles at his words and Donghyuck watches the bucket of kettle corn rock in the other man’s grasp. They both go to grab it with two hands and get… a lot closer to each other’s faces than necessary. 

Donghyuck pulls back first after looking into Mark’s panic ridden eyes. His breath is caught in his throat and he swallows something thick in his throat that reminds him of tension. 

What kind of tension? He isn’t so sure. 

“I’ll just… go get my stuff.” Mark puts down the kettle corn onto his bedside table. 

Donghyuck just nods, dumbly he might add. 

Once Mark leaves, he lets out a big sigh and precedes to have an internal mini meltdown. His heart feels like it is racing a mile a minute and he blames it on the possibility of spilling a sugary mess onto the carpets that probably cost more than his life. 

_I should get into bed first I guess, maybe it’ll make this all less… weird,_ he starts to pull off the pillows and place them gently on the ground. 

It was in this moment where Donghyuck wished that the bedroom would have a tv. But with the shelves of books that cover a whole corner of the room head to toe, clearly the owner doesn’t really care for blue light exposure before bed. 

Donghyuck gets into bed slowly. He first lays on the comforter before slipping his bare legs under the sheets. It is heavy, maybe even a weighted comforter, but it is so soft and warm. It feels like summer rather than winter and Donghyuck always preferred the hotter of the two.

By the time Mark walks back in, Donghyuck’s hair is the only thing he can see as he is drowning in sheets, blankets, and everything else. It makes Mark laugh, it makes him smile. 

Mark gets ready faster than expected and turns off the lights when he enters the bedroom once more. The dark surrounds them and it’s like they are miles apart. But when the bed moves under Mark’s body weight, Donghyuck tenses up. 

_This is really happening, okay wow. Why am I freaking out, I used to do this every weekend with Jaemin and Jeno when we were kids. Mark isn’t… that different._

And like what Donghyuck thought, there is more than enough room. He can feel Mark shift to try and get comfortable, but he can’t even feel the other man’s body heat, let alone a foreign limb. He doesn’t know if he is disappointed or not. 

But he does know there is something akin to butterflies in his stomach and maybe… maybe it’s just nerves?

However, for the first time Donghyuck admits maybe not. 

_Okay maybe he is way different compared to Jaemin and Jeno._

“Hey Duckie.” Mark all but whispers, his voice is raspier than what Donghyuck is used to and he can feel something go through him from his chest to toes. 

“Yeah?” He answers at the same volume. 

“Thanks for coming here with me, really. Even if I screwed up and didn’t realize we chose a place that only has one bedroom.” Mark huffs, but it feels lighthearted. Donghyuck giggles. 

“Don’t worry about it… we can call it, uh, bonding! Yeah, this is just bonding.” Donghyuck decides and he assumes that the shaking of the bed is just Mark nodding along. 

“Bonding, I like that.” 

_I like that too,_ Donghyuck wants to reach out under the sheets and find Mark’s hand. He doesn’t know why, but he just… wants to hold someone’s hand right now. 

“It’s what I used to call my outings with my parents, always bonding moments. Even if it was just going to the grocery store or something stupid like that.” Donghyuck admits, his voice is soft with a heavy emotion attached to it.

There are so many things to say, being back in town and how Donghyuck’s life before Mark is a ghost haunting him with every bill he pays. He feels safer in this room, in the dark with a man he just met compared to how he felt the last days leading up to his departure from home to be on his own. 

Somewhere he lived for his whole life. How can he possibly feel the way he does with only so many encounters?

And Donghyuck wants to talk, wants to scream and yell and cry about all of this bullshit the last half-year has been. More importantly, he wants to do all of that with Mark and he just can’t figure out why. 

More than that, he also wants to _listen_ to Mark, hear him talk more about his childhood and what his brother Johnny is doing now. If his parents are supportive or if he is also fighting tooth for nail for everything he wants to achieve. 

But how Mark talks about his family life, he doubts it. And for that, Donghyuck is grateful because no one should really be forced away like this. It’s… heartbreaking. 

Mark just feels so much closer compared to the rest of the people who have tried to reach where he is; maybe it is tilting Donghyuck off his own axis a bit too much. 

“You— you asked me why we are here earlier and it’s because I want to have fun, of course. But to be honest, I just wanted to be with you a little longer. And I wanted to be here with _you_.” Mark’s words echo in the emptiness of the night.

“I feel… I feel like I’ve known you for a really long time, so much longer than only like, a month or something. It seems so stupid, but it’s the best way I can describe this feeling I get whenever I’m around you.” 

His words are so comforting yet bigger than what Donghyuck would ever expect out of a dorky man. Yet again, he is a writer and Donghyuck is wondering if all his thoughts end up on paper in some way. 

For a sci-fi junkie, Mark has quite the way with borderline romantic words. At least, that’s what Donghyuck can infer. 

There is so much truth in Mark’s words that it reminds Donghyuck of the looks the other man gives him, liking he is wearing everything (not only his heart) on his sleeve. That he wants Donghyuck to see him; that he wants to see Donghyuck too. 

His words are comforting because Donghyuck understands the overwhelming feeling he gets around Mark. Like it’s been like this forever, the two of them against the world life after life. 

He stares in the dark, trying to search for Mark’s eyes but notices soon enough that the other man’s back is facing him. 

And Donghyuck wonders if the two of them are really on the same page, or in two completely different books (to be seen, to be seen, to be seen, _to be—_ ). 

He hopes for the latter, for his own sanity and stupidly fragile heart.

  


  


Donghyuck hated mornings, the type of hatred that makes him throw his phone across his bedroom whenever an alarm goes off. And honestly, he never thought in a million years that he would be able to find someone who could hate mornings more than he does. 

However, Mark is full of surprises. 

It takes a whole 3 (three) fucking books to the head to get Mark awake, let alone thinking of getting out of bed. 

Donghyuck woke up around noon and was able to get in a shower, dress, and watch a half hour of the morning (or afternoon he guesses) news before Mark could even manifest the idea of stumbling out of bed. 

But he was cute. When Donghyuck woke up, Mark’s face was only inches away from his own nose. He went cross eyed staring at the other man, but noticed the wrinkles he is developing and old acne scars. 

Mark is cute, Donghyuck can’t argue with that even if his type of cute is boyish and dorky at best. 

Unlike the day before, hungover Mark and sleepy Mark are two different beasts. Hungover Mark was just a semi-grumpy one. Donghyuck can say grumpy now because sleepy Mark is… a lot. 

He is snuggly, tossing and turning in the sheets as he yawns. When he gets up, he trips over the books Donghyuck threw at him and almost lands face first. 

Donghyuck chokes on his coffee when Mark lets out a girlish scream when his bare feet hit the cold tile on the bathroom floor. Who needs tv when you have a Mark to entertain you? 

“God, you are such a mess.” Donghyuck sputters out, covering his mouth from Mark’s sight. He is still laughing like a madman but hey, at least he has the decency to hide it. 

What Mark says in response though makes him completely _lose it,_ “I’m not a mess, I’m modern art.”

Donghyuck falls off one of the loveseats as he giggles up a whole snow storm. He can see Mark smiling at him in the mirror and it makes Donghyuck laugh even harder for some reason. He can’t even think of a time he has gone this long laughing and actually feeling so fucking… happy. 

As Mark gets ready (quite slowly he might add) and Donghyuck settles down from his giggle fit, he wonders what the fuck they are even going to do today. 

Are they going to stay in and order take-out? Pig out for the whole day and just lay on the couch then mozy their way to bed? 

Or are they going to go out? Mark seems to be more of a grab-a-bull-by-the-horns kind of dude so Donghyuck thinks so he mentally prepares to be told to put on his snow jacket. 

It’s well past midday by the time Mark walks out of the bathroom. And he looks… good.

Like really good, unfairly good. In: _oh my fucking God why have you never looked this good beforehand and why is it sending me into cardiac arrest?_

Donghyuck blinks as Mark straightens his button down shirt and rolls up his sleeves. He is wearing all black which is weird for him because usually there is some type of bright color on him. And he is wearing slacks, like real pants. Not jeans. 

His hair is even styled! It’s quiffed up rather than lying flat on his forehead, Donghyuck can see his forehead and he doesn’t know what to do with this information other than pass away. 

Not to be dramatic, or anything. 

_Okay, now I feel underdressed,_ Donghyuck looks down at his own clothes and flinches at his oversized yellow and black polo long sleeve. _I look like a fucking bee._

“Uh, should I change?” He asks, his voice shaking a bit when he notices the slight sheen of glitter on Mark’s eyelids. 

_Holy shit, I am going to die._

Mark’s eyes run down his body, taking in the bee shirt and jeans with more holes than fabric in them. It makes Donghyuck’s hands sweat as he is both excited and uncomfortable with the other man’s attention straight on him. He likes it, _he hates it._

(... he likes it). 

“I mean if you want to! I think you look really cute—” _Oh my God Donghyuck focus, he called you cute, you’ve been called cute a billion times!_ “But you remember that one shirt you asked me if you should pack? I think that one would be perfect.” 

Donghyuck nods, it’s a shirt he bought over a year ago but had nowhere to wear it due to being a busy college student at the moment. The only places he was going to were the computer labs, classes, and his friend’s dorm to get shitfaced from time to time. 

He goes through his backpack and finds the shirt along with a better pair of jeans rather than the ones he is currently wearing. Thank God for overpacking. 

Throwing the shirt on, Donghyuck looks in the mirror and wonders what the fuck to do with his hair… and his face.

He didn’t even think about bringing a straightener for his hair, let alone make-up. Mark is out there looking like a Renaissance painting and Donghyuck looks like he got hit by a car earlier that morning. 

Donghyuck plays with his hair before promptly giving up, letting the honey colored locks stay on his forehead and hoping he doesn’t look too bad. If it was a year ago, he wouldn’t even have left the house if he looked like this. 

But now, well, he looks like shit on a daily basis. At least he brought a pair of heeled boots along with him so he has something. 

He walks out of the bathroom to see that Mark is laying on the bed, scrolling through his phone. Donghyuck coughs into his fist then positions himself quickly in a semi-attractive pose before Mark looks up. 

“Uh, do I— ah, do I look okay?” Donghyuck stutters as he pulls at his sleeves. He hasn’t been this worried about his looks in a while, but it has also been a hot minute since he wanted someone to look at him. 

And of course, Mark takes his insecurity in stride. 

“You look, _wow,_ you look perfect Duckie.” Mark states, he gets up from the bed and walks over to him. 

The long sleeve Donghyuck is wearing is hard to explain. It is almost as if the shirt is wrapped around him, tight at waist but flowy everywhere else. The sleeves ballon a little at his shoulders then tighten by the time they reach his wrists. It’s deep navy blue with printed constellations all over it; Donghyuck wishes they were hand stitched. 

Donghyuck let's Mark take a hold of one of his sleeves. The flowy fabric meshes in between his fingers and Donghyuck gets incredibly shy when Mark looks into his eyes. 

_Calm down you idiot,_ Donghyuck thinks when he finally wills himself to look back. 

“Uh, thanks.” He squeaks out, a blush high on his cheeks and he just pretends everything is peachy keen. 

Mark giggles and Donghyuck wonders why he woke up sick with a worsening case of lovebug syndrome. He hopes it isn’t chronic. 

“Remember your jacket, okay?” Mark says playfully, posing in a ridiculous manner to match Donghyuck. “Don’t let me distract you.” 

“Oh shut up loser, what are we even doing today?” Donghyuck asks as he gives Mark a light shove to the chest. 

They walk out of the bedroom and start putting their coats on when they reach the entrance. Donghyuck checks for his keys and wallet before putting his boots on. 

Mark tilts his head left then right, “I don’t know man, I think I should keep it a surprise.” 

Donghyuck gives him a look and Mark swallows before moving his hand to scratch the nape of his neck. He laughs nervously and Donghyuck just continues to put his last boot on to cut the tension he accidentally created. 

“I was thinking the art museum and dinner, but I am keeping the last thing a surprise so don’t give me that look again… it’s scary.” Mark pouts as they exit the condo. He locks the door and turns on his heels to look back at Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck sighs, “Fine, fine, whatever, but it better be good.” 

He watches Mark pat down himself, probably making sure he has tickets or whatever for what they are doing today and most likely tonight. If he printed tickets, Donghyuck has no clue when. And now he wonders if Mark had this trip already planned. 

“Don’t worry, you are going to love it, pinky promise.” Mark says, forcing his pinky to lock around Donghyuck’s as they get into the elevator. 

His hand is warm and Donghyuck doesn’t want Mark to let go. But he does and he tries not to get so weird about it. He waves it off and they stand in the elevator in silence for a second. Mostly silence, but Mark is humming along with the music quietly playing in the background. 

Donghyuck just gets lost in his head for a moment or two. 

Everything feels different, not in a big or bad way but just different. This day, this man in front of him that is more boy than anything else. Everything has this feeling that screams new and fresh.

It is, dare he say, nice. 

“You know…. You helped me with my writer’s block actually, for the editorial.” Mark says suddenly, nudging Donghyuck’s hip with his own. 

“Really?” Donghyuck bluntly responds, causing Mark to laugh loudly. They exit the hotel side by side and walk in the cold to find a bus station. 

“You can at least act like we are friends, of course you helped me! You’re… you.” Donghyuck gives Mark a: _are you fucking with me,_ look. 

“You remind me of snow.” He points out, turning his head to look at Mark’s side profile. 

“Is it because I’m pretty?” Mark asks way too seriously and Donghyuck just snorts. He tugs up his coat higher around the neck.

“No, it’s because you are annoying and always in my way.”

Mark’s face scrunches up as he stops dead in his tracks, by doing so he has a woman run into him because her eyes were glued on her phone. She swears at Mark who apologizes briefly before running to catch up with a laughing Donghyuck. 

“Smooth.” “Oh _shut up!_ ”

Mark rushes at Donghyuck and takes his hand in his own before taking off in a run. Donghyuck follows aimlessly and totally misses that they passed the bus station a block back. Rip Mark’s bus fare. 

_Mark’s hands are soft,_ he thinks then shakes his head out of pure dumb frustation. 

They pass building after building. Donghyuck realizes they are at Downtown in what seems to be in a blink of an eye and how the city glitters under the fresh layer of snow. The fresh air feels light in his lungs and now that he thinks about it, a bus would’ve been a waste of money anyways. 

When they reach the museum, they walk in due to it being free to the public on Sunday afternoons. Donghyuck starts to untangle their fingers when they enter the first exhibit, but Mark just gives his hand a little squeeze. 

“We can… uh, keep holding hands if you want. Yours are cold and stuff.” He mumbles out and his ears are red, but Donghyuck just blames it on the cold air from earlier. 

He squeezes back instead of answering, hoping that it translates something like this: _yours are warm anyway._

Donghyuck lets his feet take him wherever he wants and Mark follows right by his side. He searches for the most outrageous paintings and sculptures. Both of them make fun of a blue painting that is an inch thick of the medium and of a statue of a soldier with his chest puffed out way too far. 

But they do stop at some nice paintings too. Like the one they are currently at. 

It is a painting that reminds Donghyuck of Monet, a shoreline with boats strung up on the coast and houses all lined in a row. Three larger white boats are in the center with a smaller one next to them. It is filled with vibrant colors and it feels warm. 

Hand in hand, Donghyuck and Mark look at it and the longer they do, the more peace Donghyuck feels wash over himself. A sense of freedom and better days to come, compared to the stale coffee and washed out winter skies. 

This is where he wants to be at the end of all of this. 

“It reminds me of you,” Mark whispers, throwing Donghyuck off. “You know, free spirited and untethered I guess. Invincible.” 

_If only you knew, if only you could see then maybe you would change your mind,_ Donghyuck dwells as they move on. 

But in the back of his head, he is on the boat the farthest from shore with only the sea in his sight. He wonders if Mark is thinking of the same thing. 

By the time they get to dinner, it is dark outside. Donghyuck forgets how early the sunsets are these days and he wished that he got up earlier to appreciate the sun for just a little longer. 

These nights are starting to become endless. 

Mark leads Donghyuck with quiet steps. They walked again to their destination in a comfortable silence. Now, their hands are together by only their pinky fingers but it feels just as fulfilling as it did before. 

Donghyuck let's Mark open the door to the restaurant for him, it is a beautiful little place with soft light everywhere. Jazz fills the space and Donghyuck feels like he is in a movie. 

“Table for two, on the balcony if it’s cleared.” Mark asks the hostess who gladly shows them up. They walk up a flight of stairs and it is worth every step. 

When the hostess opens the door, Donghyuck lets out a gasp. The balcony is fenced off with vines everywhere and the winter flowers are in bloom. Fairy-like lights are strung up and they cast a glow. The music from before flutters in the open air and it feels like Donghyuck is in a fairytale now. 

Mark pulls out Donghyuck’s chair and the hostess leaves them with their menus before exiting. No one else is seated on the balcony but them and Donghyuck wonders why anyone would miss out on this opportunity. 

“How did you find this place? I lived here my whole life and I have never even seen this before.” He says breathlessly, still trying to find his bearings.

“My parents took me here after they moved, now I always try to find my way back here when I visit.” Mark responds as he opens his menu. 

“It’s gorgeous.” 

And Donghyuck thinks life has to be playing this big joke on him because he swears he hears Mark say: _like you._

“What was that?” Donghyuck chokes on his water and Mark turns positively red when he manages to sputter out the words. “What did you just say?” He asks again with a teasing look.

“I said… I said like you.” Mark shoves his head further into the menu and Donghyuck can only laugh, out of excitement and nerves. 

“So you think _I’m_ pretty huh.” He teases more and Mark just sinks into his chair until their waiter comes to grab their orders. 

Donghyuck tries to keep from embarrassing Mark anymore than he needs to while they wait for their food. Once it comes out, they dig into their meals and it is glorious. Donghyuck lets the food warm him up and enjoys every single flavor that enters his mouth. 

They drink coffee as they wait for their bill. Donghyuck sips on his and notices something… off. At eye level, tricks must be playing on his vision. There is no way Mark isn’t drinking his coffee. 

But when Mark stirs his drink for the billionth time, Donghyuck realizes how he has never seen an empty cup in Mark’s hands, ever. 

“Wait, are you even _drinking it?_ ” 

Mark flushes and puts down his spoon onto a neighboring napkin. The mug is definitely still full and the other man lets out a pained laugh. 

“Oh totally, I just love coffee so much you know…”

Donghyuck gives him The Look, the scary one. 

“Okay, _okay,_ so I don’t like coffee! You got me, ha.” _You have got to be kidding me._

“But you literally preached about how black coffee was the best coffee! I made you coffee when you were hungover, and you drank it! Or at least pretended to.” 

“I— well, you like coffee so what am I gonna do, say no?” Mark points out exasperatedly and looks away quickly. 

Donghyuck’s face softens with realization, the one that makes him warmer than anything else. 

“Have you been pretending to like it this whole time… just because I do?” His voice is low and filled with heavy amounts of adoration that it almost makes him sick. 

“Yeah, kind of. Why wouldn’t I?” Mark shrugs with a small grin right as their waiter leaves the bill on their table. 

And all Donghyuck can think is: _oh Mark Lee, only you. Only you. Thank God for that._

  


  


They finally manage to get into a vehicle for the first time that day when going to the long awaited surprise. 

Rather than a bus, they climb into a taxi. Donghyuck and Mark sit side by side with only a thighs amount of space between them. The drive is quiet and smooth. 

Mark told him before they got into the car that he can’t look outside because it would ruin the surprise due him knowing all the crossroads, which is true to be fair.

So Donghyuck looks at him instead. His hair is falling on his face now, framing his high cheekbones. The glitter on his eyelids is dimmer and his slacks are creased from sitting. 

But him being Mark, he still looks good. It’s unfair that he even possibly looks even better than before. 

Their driver parks and Mark pays him even though Donghyuck is still peeved that he lost the war on the dinner bill. Mark still manages to get out of the taxi first. Donghyuck almost opens his own door, but is stopped when he makes eye contact with Mark between the window. 

The car door opens with a click and Donghyuck gets out, sheepishly as Mark reaches out to grab his hand to help him up. Once the door is closed, Mark’s hand leaves his, but instead drapes around his waist. 

Mark turns him around from where they are standing so the surprise can stay intact just a bit longer. 

“We are already here, just let me see.” Donghyuck laughs as he tries to turn his head back to see what could possibly be in front of him. 

Mark beats him to it, locking a hand behind his neck to keep him in place. Donghyuck’s eyes widen and he blushes from head to toe as he feels Mark’s warm hand rub circles against his nape. 

“I’m nervous,” Mark bluntly states and Donghyuck keeps quiet. “But I really do think you’ll like it so… just don’t like, laugh or anything if you don’t.”

Donghyuck nods, Mark gives him a straight lipped smile and lets his hand fall from his neck. He turns around slowly, nervous as well to see what the fuck the other man is stressing about. 

And really, he had no reason to be. 

“We’re at the church.” Donghyuck whispers. 

He hasn’t been here since last Christmas Eve. It is just as big and beautiful as he last saw it, decorated for the holidays with fake evergreens that smell of pine. Every light bleeds out onto the concrete and Donghyuck feels smaller, as if he is in the presence of the sun. 

“There is a famous pianist playing tonight, at least I think there is. A famous person! There is definitely a performance, I didn’t mess that up— whatever, not the point. I just thought you’d enjoy listening rather than being the one playing all the time so… _oof!_ ” 

Donghyuck launches himself into Mark’s arms. He hugs the other man so tightly that he thinks that Mark may feel his heart pop out of his chest. 

He isn’t tearing up yet, but he understands that he is only seconds away from the dams bursting at the seams. With the way Mark’s arms envelop him, Donghyuck feels like he could be the center of gravity. 

Just the smell of Mark’s cologne makes him feel safe, the same type of safety he felt in his father’s arms when he woke up from a nightmare and couldn’t go back to sleep.

It fills him with so much… longing that Donghyuck has nowhere to put down. So he gives it to Mark by nosing at the other man’s neck and letting only one tear fall. 

“ _Thank you._ ” He murmurs into the nock of Mark’s shoulder. He feels him rock them side to side for a moment as Donghyuck collects himself. 

Donghyuck all but slides off of Mark. He wonders if he looks defeated or relieved, with the look Mark gives him, he may look like a strange mix of both. The weight of the world feels so heavy, yet manageable. 

It’s never felt like this before. 

“Ready to grab our seats?” Mark asks, his eyes are inviting and Donghyuck wonders, and wonders, _and wonders—_

So he nods his head in response rather than answering, afraid of what might possibly come out of his mouth if (when) he so chooses to open it. 

They are in the back, but are nicely seated next to the aisle. Donghyuck sits on the outside so he can watch without having to look over the tall man’s head that of course sits right in front of them. 

The lights dim everywhere except where the piano is placed. It is a beautiful grand that is polished to perfection and the furthest thing away from what Donghyuck is currently playing on. 

The pianist walks out in a long evening gown, she bows as everyone claps. If she is famous, Donghyuck wouldn’t know. But she plays like everyone in the room knows her name like they do the Gods. 

Donghyuck can hear the clicking of the keys from where he sits, she plays suites of pieces he yearned to learn but never got a grasp on. She leans into the instrument like a lifeline, like a prayer. 

The only holy figure present in this church tonight is the instrument that sits in the center of the room, on top of the tile cross Donghyuck used to sit on during Sunday school. 

When the music clears, swirling its way up into the dome before dissipating like it was never there, Donghyuck leans his head on Mark’s shoulder. The crowd around them stand as they clap, but they stay seated.

The roaring of the audience drowns out when Mark manages to push a piece of hair behind Donghyuck’s ear. 

And Donghyuck feels something drop in his body; he knows that it is his heart. 

The silence stays on the drive back and into the elevator. Donghyuck presses his body from arm to thigh against Mark’s, but doesn’t hold his hand or lean his head back onto his shoulder. 

They stand together until the door opens, Mark goes first and Donghyuck follows. Their steps are in sync as if only one person was walking down the hall. When Mark unlocks the front door, Donghyuck goes in first. 

Together, they take off their coats. Together, they take off their shoes. Together, they walk to the bedroom. Together, they continue their way into the bathroom. 

The two sinks come in handy as they get ready for bed. Even though not a word has been spoken by either of them since before the recital, it feels perfectly normal. Both seem to have found comfort in the silence they had created around themselves. 

Mark goes to his side of the bed and Donghyuck goes to his. He sits on the edge of the bed and wonders if wondering can do him anymore good. 

Donghyuck turns his head around and notices that Mark’s bedside lamp is turned off. The other man is laying on his side, back facing Donghyuck so his face can’t be seen. 

And there is fear, the icky feeling of being unsure. If this is really the time to share and if it is really necessary to. The feeling of being wary that you may push someone away from sharing too much. 

The fear of sharing too little. 

So Donghyuck turns off his own lamp and lays down in bed. He doesn’t pull the sheets over himself and doesn’t turn on his side to have his back facing Mark’s. Instead, he lays straight on his back and stops wondering. 

“The last time I’ve been to a recital like that was my own.” Donghyuck says to the dark, hoping it falls on listening ears. 

A second passes, then another. Donghyuck feels a flush race to his ears and he just wished he could keep his mouth shut sometimes— 

“You can keep going, if you want.” A voice cuts through the air and Donghyuck tries not to let out an audible gasp. He lays there for a moment, trying to collect the right words to say. 

“I— well, it was after my high school graduation. My friends and… and family came. It wasn’t supposed to be an event, but it became one,” Donghyuck laughs a little, it feels hollow. “It was the calm before the storm I guess.”

He hears Mark shift but doesn’t look to see if the man is facing his direction now. He doesn’t think he will be able to continue if he is. 

“This city, I… it was my home and I can’t even be in it without feeling like I don’t belong. Now, it just hurts to see all these places I used to go all the time because I imagine all the people I sold my rights to see just for a little freedom.” 

“What do you mean?” Mark’s voice is a little louder now and it sounds like he may be sitting up. Donghyuck doesn’t even try to look to see if he is right. 

“I’ve got one shot to make it on my own, if I can then my life is my own. If I can’t…” Donghyuck trails off. “It’s been lonely, not being able to contact friends or my brother, but that’s the whole point isn’t it? Being on your own.” 

Mark doesn’t seem to agree, “It doesn’t have to be though.” 

Donghyuck closes his eyes and swallows his tears. It’s so frustrating because it’s so true. The loneliness he feels is unfair, the idea that he has to bend over backwards on his father’s rules just to get out of a business degree is beyond his understanding. The idea he is still trapped in a bubble his father has made just to taste artificial freedom. 

This isn’t freedom, it’s self-implemented torture. Donghyuck knows this, but more importantly, his father knows this too. 

“I know, but it’s all I got… for now.”

Donghyuck turns over and sees Mark looking straight down at him. They hold eye contact in the dark and it feels bigger than it probably is. But when Mark moves a hand out to find Donghyuck’s, it suddenly feels smaller. 

The other man locks their fingers together and it’s enough for Donghyuck to cry. He has always been a hugger, one to bug anyone for some extra physical attention from as simple as a high-five to a full-on cuddle session. 

He can’t even remember the last time he has touched someone so… softly, not until now. Even though months may seem short to some, it feels like it’s been years for him. 

So Donghyuck gets closer, scooting himself to the middle of the bed where his head can rest in Mark’s lap. He squeezes at Mark’s hand when it gets harder to breathe and a sob exits his chest. 

“Let it out.” Mark speaks softly, putting his other hand in his hair and lightly scratching his scalp as Donghyuck continues to weep quietly to himself. 

The loneliness drains out of his body like a leaking faucet, it’s slow and drips all over the floor but the source of the pain has been found so that means it can be fixed. If not today then maybe in the near future. Even though the floor is wet now, it doesn’t mean it will be wet forever. 

The longer Donghyuck stays in Mark’s light embrace, the calmer he becomes. It’s like he is being recharged with the smallest of touch, it’s like the world isn’t so empty around him anymore. 

And just when he believes Mark has grown tired of sitting up, he speaks instead. 

“I hope you get everything you ever wish for, I really do. These sacrifices you are making now are gonna be worth it and you’re gonna be happy you did this so you could achieve what you really want. Life is too short to just… waste away. Especially you.” Mark’s voice is almost like a hum, soft and serene like ocean waves licking at a shallow shore. 

“If anyone could fight through it, it’s you.”

Donghyuck sobs at that, but he is smiling too, remembering his brother at the worst times. 

“My brother used to say that.” _Oh Jisung if you could see me now, you’d gag._

Mark giggles with him for a moment, the mood is somber as Donghyuck remembers all that he has lost for the time being. But maybe the things that are lost now can join what he is gaining later. 

“I bet you were the best brother.” 

Donghyuck can’t help, but think: _I thought you said Johnny was and no one could possibly compete._

“Let’s make a deal, when we get back, we get through this together. No more on your own bullshit, I’m here for you.” Mark concludes, bringing Donghyuck’s head back to a pillow so he can lay back down. 

“Sounds a lot like a pack, are sure you are up for it?” Donghyuck pokes him in the ribs, making Mark let out a squeal. 

“I mean yeah, you can’t get rid of me that fast. That’s what… that’s what _friends_ do.”

Donghyuck feels weird all of a sudden with the word friends. Not because they aren’t friends, clearly they are but now… now friends seem almost too little for what they are headed towards. His heart feels heavier than it did a moment ago. 

He looks into Mark’s eyes but it is too dark for him to get a good enough image of how true Mark’s expression is. 

_You can live with friends Donghyuck, it’s enough._

“Friends, right.” Is what he says however. 

He is so close to Mark that he can feel him swallow, then watches him nod once then twice. Donghyuck nods back. 

Donghyuck untangles himself from Mark, he didn’t realize how bunched up they got within a couple of minutes. Their feet hooking around ankles, hands and elbows aimlessly touching. 

When Donghyuck finally lets his hand slip away from Mark’s, the word ‘friends’ feels like the understatement of the year. 

Mark looks at him like he agrees, but doesn’t say anything. 

So Donghyuck moves back to his side of the bed where it’s cold, he turns away from Mark and lets his back become the man’s new view. It feels like a dick move, but this is what friends do right?

They don’t fall asleep with their mouths a hairs inch apart, they don’t go to art museums then fancy dinners after running away from a sleepy suburb, they don’t go to church halls or recital events. They don’t drink coffee just because you do. They don’t break into abandoned buildings and risk being arrested for trespassing of all things.

They don’t break writer’s block when they are supposed to be writing about love. What love? Where is it, if not all over the floor appearing ink black in the moonlight. 

_If friends do none of these things, then what do friends do? What do_ we _do?_

“Goodnight Mark.” 

Donghyuck doesn’t get a response and he _wonders_ if his luck has just run out.

  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit y'all with the angst, my bad. part three will be out some day... hopefully soon lolol.
> 
> remember to leave a kudo, comment, hand kisses if you liked what you read ;^; 
> 
> see you in the next part, peace!
> 
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/travelingsymphony)


End file.
